Can I be transparent? To some this may be uncomfortable. I don’t intend to offend; quite the opposite, I want to share how God has begun to answer a prayer of mine.
Let me back up… like ten years. Our family had just adopted our daughter, Jaelynn. If you know our family you know that Jaelynn has special needs and when we first brought her home we spent a lot of time at doctors appointments, having medical tests, procedures, surgeries, and just adjusting to help Jaelynn adjust to a new life in the United States. During this time our family went through one of the toughest experiences we have ever faced at our church, where my husband is pastor. We made it through this experience, but not unscathed. I have struggled with trust and anxiety since this happened. Attending church triggered anxiety. If I saw a leader at church pull my husband aside to talk to him it triggered anxiety and made me physically sick. I remember talking to my husband and crying that I wanted to love church again like I once had. Just when I’d think that my heart was healing something would happen and I’d take the proverbial one step forward and two steps back. Today I can say that I think God has been working on my heart and that I have started to love church once again.
My children have felt the effects of this situation also and for a short time one even struggled with “the church” and was wondering if he really wanted to serve in ministry. God, through faithful people like college professors worked in his life and now he is serving in full time ministry.
I am thankful that God kept chipping away at my heart and though it has taken a long time, I am beginning to experience the joy and love that I once had for church and ministry.
God brought people in my life that have spoken life into me. One friend in particular has unknowingly challenged me by her walk with the Lord.
Dr Erwin Lutzer spoke at our church in January and he talked about how people are “deconstructing” their faith. I do not want to be like some of the examples he shared in his message that have deconstructed their faith and walked away from the Lord and His church. He used the life of Asaph as an example of someone who did not deconstruct his faith even in difficult times. I want to always remember that no matter what happens God holds, guides, loves, cares, and strengthens me and that God is good.(Psalms 73)
Does this mean I have it all together and that I don’t ever get tripped up? I wish, but no it does not. It just means I will put my trust in the ONE who I can always depend on and the ONE who loves me.
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